many happy returns


So, I was out doing a bit of Christmas shopping:


Cashier – Here’s your change.  Have a nice day.
Me – Thanks!  Merry Christmas!
Cashier –  You should say Happy Holidays.  It’s less offensive.


So, I’m a Christian.

Now, I’m telling you this because it’s not something immediately discernible (especially considering the number of times I use the word “shit” in a 24-hour period).   While I love me some Jesus, I’m not one to jam my faith down anyone’s unwilling throat.  That makes for a rather one-sided conversation, no? 

Granted, some make it easy by wearing a yarmulke,  a hijab or a spiffy “Jesus is my homeboy” t-shirt, but I don’t think any of us should expect or be expected to pin down another’s religious persuasion from a 30-second interaction.

How am I to know whether I should be giving you a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukkah or a Blessed Yule?

How do we manage to be both polite, inclusive and inoffensive?


My solution? 

Kiss my ass.

No, seriously. 

Kiss my ass.


I know this will be a strange and shocking concept for people but…

How about you worry about you and I’ll worry about me?

If I suggest you should have a Merry Christmas, feel free to wish me a Happy Kwanzaa.

Don’t celebrate anything?  How about “Have a nice day!” or “You too!”?

Stop being so sensitive and accept the greeting with the spirit with which is was offered.


Believe me, this will prove a lot easier (and less likely to get you arrested) than trying to locate a person’s kaccha.




About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets,, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

7 responses »

    • Is this a limited time offer? Our Christmas to New Year plans aren’t yet set. Husband generally insists on going in to work that week, but I’m hoping to convince him to skive off.

      When are you done school?

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