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So, we were discussion the [many] differences between men and women:

Karen:  Men might now how to fix things, but women are the only one’s that can find them.
Me:  What do you mean?
Karen:  Men lose things.  All women have an uncanny knack for finding them.
Me:  I see.
Karen:  I’m convinced it’s because our reproductive organs are shaped like divining rods*.
[Karen begins walking – pelvis thrust obscenely forward – around the store, gyrating at us and random bolts of fabric]
Me:  Uh, Karen?  Can you stop pointing your uterus at me?  You’re freaking me out.

** Guess what type of *cough*instrument*cough* come up when I Googled ‘divining rod’.

~~~

A year ago today:  I saved a woman from prosecution and tracked down a thief.

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About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, Snap.com commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets, TheOnion.com, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

45 responses »

  1. Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    Yeah, referring to cats that way is dangerous. Have you ever seen the clip of Zsa Zsa Gabor taking her cat with her onto the Tonight Show? Brilliant, in my opinion.

    Zsa Zsa: Would you like to pet my pussy?
    Johnny (after a roguish glance at the camera): I’ve love to, if you’d move that damned cat.

    (BTW, Snopes says it’s false, but my husband played the clip for me.)

  2. Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    Yeah, referring to cats that way is dangerous. Have you ever seen the clip of Zsa Zsa Gabor taking her cat with her onto the Tonight Show? Brilliant, in my opinion.

    Zsa Zsa: Would you like to pet my pussy?
    Johnny (after a roguish glance at the camera): I’ve love to, if you’d move that damned cat.

    (BTW, Snopes says it’s false, but my husband played the clip for me.)

    • Re: Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

      I’d heard about the Johnny Carson clip, but I wasn’t sure if it was real. The closest I’d ever come to it was seeing one of Johnny’s anniversary specials; there was a clip of Jane Fonda as a guest on the Tonight Show, and she mentioned the ZsaZsa/Johnny conversation to Johnny. Verbatim.

      It always got a big laugh on the old BBC comedy “Are You Being Served?” when Mrs Slocombe referred to her cat as her pussy, but of course, it was always put in such a way that she could have been talking about something else: “Have you seen my pussy?”

  3. Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    Yeah, referring to cats that way is dangerous. Have you ever seen the clip of Zsa Zsa Gabor taking her cat with her onto the Tonight Show? Brilliant, in my opinion.

    Zsa Zsa: Would you like to pet my pussy?
    Johnny (after a roguish glance at the camera): I’ve love to, if you’d move that damned cat.

    (BTW, Snopes says it’s false, but my husband played the clip for me.)

  4. Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    Yeah, referring to cats that way is dangerous. Have you ever seen the clip of Zsa Zsa Gabor taking her cat with her onto the Tonight Show? Brilliant, in my opinion.

    Zsa Zsa: Would you like to pet my pussy?
    Johnny (after a roguish glance at the camera): I’ve love to, if you’d move that damned cat.

    (BTW, Snopes says it’s false, but my husband played the clip for me.)

  5. Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    Yeah, referring to cats that way is dangerous. Have you ever seen the clip of Zsa Zsa Gabor taking her cat with her onto the Tonight Show? Brilliant, in my opinion.

    Zsa Zsa: Would you like to pet my pussy?
    Johnny (after a roguish glance at the camera): I’ve love to, if you’d move that damned cat.

    (BTW, Snopes says it’s false, but my husband played the clip for me.)

  6. Re: Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    I’d heard about the Johnny Carson clip, but I wasn’t sure if it was real. The closest I’d ever come to it was seeing one of Johnny’s anniversary specials; there was a clip of Jane Fonda as a guest on the Tonight Show, and she mentioned the ZsaZsa/Johnny conversation to Johnny. Verbatim.

    It always got a big laugh on the old BBC comedy “Are You Being Served?” when Mrs Slocombe referred to her cat as her pussy, but of course, it was always put in such a way that she could have been talking about something else: “Have you seen my pussy?”

  7. Re: Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    I’d heard about the Johnny Carson clip, but I wasn’t sure if it was real. The closest I’d ever come to it was seeing one of Johnny’s anniversary specials; there was a clip of Jane Fonda as a guest on the Tonight Show, and she mentioned the ZsaZsa/Johnny conversation to Johnny. Verbatim.

    It always got a big laugh on the old BBC comedy “Are You Being Served?” when Mrs Slocombe referred to her cat as her pussy, but of course, it was always put in such a way that she could have been talking about something else: “Have you seen my pussy?”

  8. Re: Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    I’d heard about the Johnny Carson clip, but I wasn’t sure if it was real. The closest I’d ever come to it was seeing one of Johnny’s anniversary specials; there was a clip of Jane Fonda as a guest on the Tonight Show, and she mentioned the ZsaZsa/Johnny conversation to Johnny. Verbatim.

    It always got a big laugh on the old BBC comedy “Are You Being Served?” when Mrs Slocombe referred to her cat as her pussy, but of course, it was always put in such a way that she could have been talking about something else: “Have you seen my pussy?”

  9. Re: Went back and read that old post. Hysterical, in my opinion.

    I’d heard about the Johnny Carson clip, but I wasn’t sure if it was real. The closest I’d ever come to it was seeing one of Johnny’s anniversary specials; there was a clip of Jane Fonda as a guest on the Tonight Show, and she mentioned the ZsaZsa/Johnny conversation to Johnny. Verbatim.

    It always got a big laugh on the old BBC comedy “Are You Being Served?” when Mrs Slocombe referred to her cat as her pussy, but of course, it was always put in such a way that she could have been talking about something else: “Have you seen my pussy?”

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