Hugs and kisses

Standard

So, a woman came in looking for flannelet for her Girl Guide troop’s latest craft project. Pajama pants, naturally. She’d picked out some cute, girly ones…butterflies, flowers, that sort of thing…and a pink one, with lips, purses, make-up compact, and several onomatopoeic (yay for $50 words!) words like ‘smack’, ‘smooch’ and ‘mmm’. It also had rather large XXX’s all over it. Now, I assume the plethora (that’s $100) of X’s was meant as kisses (think XOXOX), but not everyone is a sweet and innocent as myself.

*cough*

I suggest the woman should perhaps choose an alternate fabric. She doesn’t understand. I explain (using small, carefully chosen words) that perhaps the parents of these 10 year old girls would not appreciate their daughters coming home in pajamas sporting the widely accepted symbol of porn stamped all over them.

The scales fell from her eyes. Not a pretty sight. I felt like I had just told a child that the whole Santa Thing was a lie. Like the time suggested that Joy should refer to her pet as her ‘cat’ or her ‘kitty’ rather than the questionable (though linguistically accurate) term she was using.

Sigh.

In my spare time I also kick puppies and rob the elderly.

XXX

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About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, Snap.com commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets, TheOnion.com, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

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