Where quotations and emphasis abound


So, Water Purification Man Boy thought I was a lesbian.

When he installed the system last year, Brother and Brother’s Jailbait Girlfriend were still living here.  She and I were alone in the house.

This time, he mentions my ‘room mate’.  I make a snarky comment along the lines of, “Families shouldn’t live together.” He starts waxing lyrically about how it’s always hard when such “close relationships break up”, how it’s “much harder to share your personal space when you’re over 30”, and how it’s “difficult when children were involved”.


What? What? WHAT?

I, of course, tackle the most important bit first:

“What the hell do you mean, ‘Over 30’??”

Then, “What do you mean children?”


Apparently, he was under the impression that Brother’s Jailbait Girlfriend and I were lovers and that we had just had a baby.  How he got that from the “Families shouldn’t live together” comment is beyond me.

So, not just a lesbian; an old, fat lesbian.

I am, as always, very polite and tactful.

“Are you trying to be insulting?”

Much stuttering is done by Water Purification Boy.

I decided to go easy on him.

“My brother and his [jailbait] girlfriend used to live with me and my husband. Just thought I’d lay it all out for you before you cram that foot even farther down your throat.”

Thank you very much Water Purification Boy.

Next time, I call Culligan.

Although… This does explain why he was hitting on the both of us last year.



About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, Snap.com commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets, TheOnion.com, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

2 responses »

  1. Ass Canker

    Well, I certainly don’t need any deliveries from the first guy. If it hadn’t been for the second, I’d be knee-deep in double chocolate fudge ice cream by now. ~Angela

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