I am in the process of reviewing a nutritional research paper as an assignment for class. The premise of the paper looks at whether or not kefir, (a fermented milk beverage, similar to yogurt) helps lactose digestion. Sounds very dull, no? I thought so too, until I came across this sentence:
“For determination of flatus frequency, subjects counted the number of rectal gas passages at hourly intervals over an 8-hour period.”
Translation for those who got lost in the deluge of fifty-point words…
“Subjects counted the number of farts coming out of their ass…”
How very scientific.
I can hear that conversation clearly in my head:
“Jane, how can we talk about the number of times these people farted without getting our research grant revoked or looking like fifth-graders to the rest of the American Dietetic Association?”
“No problem, Jim! We’ll just call them Rectal Gas Passages, and people will think we’re all educated and shit.”