Guacamole and raw fruit pie


I constantly leave things till the last possible moment.

This usually works in my favour, as I work well under pressure. What doesn’t work, is when, for example, the printer refuses to work when you have a paper to print for class five minutes in the future, (how many times has that happened? Far too many) or, like last night, trying to make guacamole for a class assignment at 1 in the AM, and realizing that the avocadoes that my dear husband bought me are hard as a rock.

I did not give up, however, and proceded to peel and blend the crap out of them, hoping they’d soften as I munched them. No dice. I now had bits of gravelly avocado in my blender. Okay, next I’ll try leaving them out overnight. They’ll definitely ripen now that their cut up into molecularly small pieces.

Uh…no. I got up this morning, and still hard as little pebbles. So, into the oven they went. A very low temp, of course, as you can’t cook them, (they go bitter). I figure I’ll play God, (Angela Almighty) and speed up the ripening process in my handy dandy (not-so) conventional oven.


Nothing works.

Angela realizes that, not only is she NOT God, but she isn’t even part Domestic Goddess. Angela decides to take the Raw Fruit Pie to school, as that’s what she made it for anyhow, but it looked so good that she needed to have a piece of it, there-by causing her to attempt guacamole in the first place.


About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets,, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

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