It’s the end of the world as we know it…


I hate to comment on the weather, like some boring individual who just can’t come up with anything of interest to say, but:

Can’t you believe this weather? A week ago, Spring was peaking around the corner. Five days ago, we got a huge ice storm and snow up to our nipples. Yesterday it was TWENTY EIGHT DEGREES CELCIUS OUT!! Holy crap. For those Americans reading this, that’s 82.4 degrees Fahrenheit.

Husband and I went for our stroll in shorts and t-shirts.

Now, normally, I’d be loving this kind of weather, but it’s April for goodness sake.

I’ve been reading Michael Moore’s book, “Stupid White Men…and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation!” and here’s what he has to say about it…

That’s right, the whole planet is being overrun–and I’m convinced it’s starting to fight back. One day last February in Chicago the temperature hit 70 degrees, and what happened? Everyone was, like, “Wow, this is great!” People were walking around in shorts, and the beach along Lake Michigan was filled with sunbathers. “Boy, I love this weather,” said one lady to me on the street.

You love this? Let me ask you–if the sun suddenly rose at midnight tonight, would you say, “Oh, wow, this is beautiful! I love it! More daylight!”

No, of course you wouldn’t. You’d be freaking out on a level that has never been measured. You would be screaming bloody murder that the Earth was spinning out of control, heading towards the sun at a million miles a second. I doubt anyone would be running to to beach to catch any of those bonus rays. Of course, maybe it’s not that bad: maybe someone just launched a thousand warheads on Milwaukee, and that’s the bright light you’re seeing to the north as nuclear fission interacts with vacant boarded-up breweries. Either way, you’d be ripping through so many Hail Marys and God Have Mercies you might just knock ten years off your sentence in pergatory.

So why on earth do we think a 70-degree day in the coldest month of the year, in one of the coldest cities in America, is something to crow about? We ought to be demanding action from our representatives, and swift retribution against those responsible for these climate changes. This isn’t right, folks: something is terribly wrong. And if you don’t believe me, ask that dead infected cow you’re drowning in A-1. He knew the answer, but we killed him before we could moo it out of him.

A little long winded, perhaps, but the point is evident.

It’s the end of the world as we know it…why do we feel fine?


About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets,, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

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