Sorry, Mom


Guy gave me $20 to go grab a box of condoms from Shopper’s Drugmart this afternoon on my daily constitutional.

I decided that it would not only be a good idea to get two boxes of condoms, (can’t ever have too many) but Mother’s Day cards for both my mother and Mother-in-Law while I’m at it.

I spent much time picking out two very nice, if a little sappy, ones and brought all four items up to the counter.

As the cashier runs them all through, I drop my twenty dollar bill on the counter.

I’m still not paying attention at this point. I revert back into a teenager whenever I have to make purchases like these…making sure I look my best so people won’t be saying, “What is she buying those for? Who’d fuck her?” etc.

Several seconds pass before I realize that the cashier hasn’t handed me my change.

This would be because condoms and cards are expensive, and a twenty wouldn’t cover it. So, forever the math genius, I get her to take off one of the boxes…still too pricy.

Did I mention the cards turned out to be SIX BUCKS EACH?? Holy crap. But I digress…

I look down, sigh, and motion for her to take the cards off the total. The girl, never batting an eyelash comments: “Well, at least we know where your priorities are.”

Sassy check-out girl.

I like your style.


About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets,, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

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