So, Gram decided to stick her oar into my business and told me, “It takes two to break a marriage, you know. You should be more forgiving towards your father.”
So, basically, I went fairly berserk and wrote this lovely letter in response:
Your letter hurt me and I believe my feelings should no longer go unsaid.
In July of 2000, when my family went through the roughest of times, you were silent. Neither you, nor any member of my father’s family called Adam or me to see if we were all right, or if we needed anything. To add insult to injury, when Adam and I reached out by calling our cousins, we were accused of ‘trying to stir up trouble’.
I resigned myself to the fact that you don’t want to discuss my parents’ break up. You and my father’s family prefer to pretend nothing happened and I have come to terms with that. What I will not allow is offhanded advice from these uninvolved people as to how I conduct my life.
You should know me well enough to realize my problems with my father did not begin with his infidelity. To suggest my only animosity stems from this single event is ridiculous, an insult to my intelligence, and yet another example of the family trying to gloss over the unpleasant truth.
I realize you have only heard one side of the story, (although, had anyone thought to ask me, they could have been given the truth), but whatever my father told you, my dislike for my him stems, not from my mother’s supposed ‘poisoning’ of me, nor from my inability to forgive. I struggle to recall a time when our relationship wasn’t unhealthy. The fourteen years before my parent’s separation have solidified my desire to be distanced from him. I don’t see my feelings in this regard ever changing. This is something you will have to accept.
Being my grandmother does not give you license to intrude. Only those equipped with all facts and truths are entitled to offer unsolicited advice. Those who verbally claim I’m still ‘part of the family’ but give me a thought only at Christmas in regards to what an awful daughter I am, are unwelcome in their counsel.
While you will always remain a part of my life, there are boundaries you need to abide by.