Grandmother, dearest


So, Gram decided to stick her oar into my business and told me, “It takes two to break a marriage, you know. You should be more forgiving towards your father.”

So, basically, I went fairly berserk and wrote this lovely letter in response:

Saturday, January 26, 2002


Your letter hurt me and I believe my feelings should no longer go unsaid.

In July of 2000, when my family went through the roughest of times, you were silent. Neither you, nor any member of my father’s family called Adam or me to see if we were all right, or if we needed anything. To add insult to injury, when Adam and I reached out by calling our cousins, we were accused of ‘trying to stir up trouble’.

I resigned myself to the fact that you don’t want to discuss my parents’ break up. You and my father’s family prefer to pretend nothing happened and I have come to terms with that. What I will not allow is offhanded advice from these uninvolved people as to how I conduct my life.

You should know me well enough to realize my problems with my father did not begin with his infidelity. To suggest my only animosity stems from this single event is ridiculous, an insult to my intelligence, and yet another example of the family trying to gloss over the unpleasant truth.

I realize you have only heard one side of the story, (although, had anyone thought to ask me, they could have been given the truth), but whatever my father told you, my dislike for my him stems, not from my mother’s supposed ‘poisoning’ of me, nor from my inability to forgive. I struggle to recall a time when our relationship wasn’t unhealthy. The fourteen years before my parent’s separation have solidified my desire to be distanced from him. I don’t see my feelings in this regard ever changing. This is something you will have to accept.

Being my grandmother does not give you license to intrude. Only those equipped with all facts and truths are entitled to offer unsolicited advice. Those who verbally claim I’m still ‘part of the family’ but give me a thought only at Christmas in regards to what an awful daughter I am, are unwelcome in their counsel.

While you will always remain a part of my life, there are boundaries you need to abide by.


About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets,, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

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