I'm cryin' cryin'

So, towards the end of my pregnancy, I struggled with how to explain birth to my three-year old son.

Since Behbez positioning (breech and transverse) pretty much guaranteed a c-section, I wondered how to make him understand how the whole “Behbez in Muhmez tummeh” –> “Behbez outta Muhmez tummeh” would happen.

But, you know, without freaking him out.

I decided on a YouTube video.

Relax.

The one I found was relatively bloodfree.  No screams.  No showing of the actual incision.  Just a Mom’s-Eye-View of Behbez coming out over the hill of the stomach.

Gabe was fascinated – asking questions in his barely coherent way.

“Behbez outta Muhmez tummeh?”

and

“I holda Behbez?”

Everything went downhill, however, when the cords were cut.

“Booboo, Muhmeh!”

No, hon.  It doesn’t hurt.

“Booboo Behbez!”

It’s okay, love.

“No, Muhmeh!  Behbez booboo PENIS!”

Whaa?

“Booboo penis!”

Shit.

“Penis GONE!”

.

Now, I’m telling you this, not only to make you feel better about your own stellar parenting moments, but also so that when Gabe pulls a Buffalo Bill, the team of Forensic Psychologists sent to study him can pinpoint the exact moment it all went horribly wrong.