I’m cryin’ cryin’

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So, towards the end of my pregnancy, I struggled with how to explain birth to my three-year old son.

Since Behbez positioning (breech and transverse) pretty much guaranteed a c-section, I wondered how to make him understand how the whole “Behbez in Muhmez tummeh” –> “Behbez outta Muhmez tummeh” would happen.

But, you know, without freaking him out.

I decided on a YouTube video.

Relax.

The one I found was relatively bloodfree.  No screams.  No showing of the actual incision.  Just a Mom’s-Eye-View of Behbez coming out over the hill of the stomach.

Gabe was fascinated – asking questions in his barely coherent way.

“Behbez outta Muhmez tummeh?”

and

“I holda Behbez?”

Everything went downhill, however, when the cords were cut.

“Booboo, Muhmeh!”

No, hon.  It doesn’t hurt.

“Booboo Behbez!”

It’s okay, love.

“No, Muhmeh!  Behbez booboo PENIS!”

Whaa?

“Booboo penis!”

Shit.

“Penis GONE!”

.

Now, I’m telling you this, not only to make you feel better about your own stellar parenting moments, but also so that when Gabe pulls a Buffalo Bill, the team of Forensic Psychologists sent to study him can pinpoint the exact moment it all went horribly wrong.

About Angela

My name is Angela. I am a 28 year old psych and criminology graduate, but I'd rather not diagnose you. I am a cuddle-slut. I can recite the entire script of The Princess Bride, (including accents) and believe that the meaning of life is contained within. Polyanna, Snap.com commercials, and Oprah 'reunion shows' make me cry. I can whistle and hum at the same time, but I cannot touch my toes. I am an expert in both listening and talking. I look good in orange. I am a writer. I kick ass in Gin, Hearts, and Cribbage but I don't understand Canasta or Bridge. I can be heard singing Broadway numbers from my shower, and have dressed up as a viking princess, (complete with aluminum foil breast plate) The Phantom of the Opera, and a Ghostbuster for Hallowe'en. I have a bird named Bean. I have a brother named Adam. They are not related. I like vanilla body lotion, peanut butter, saunas, Jim Carrey, broccoli, pets, TheOnion.com, Muppets, Kevin Smith, Corelle dishes, dry erase white-boards, Barenaked Ladies, Philosophy, the letter J, Harry Potter, picture frames, swimming, quilting, Michael Moore, genealogy, Raggedy Anne, tacky 50's tchotchke, 'Idiot's Complete Guide To' books, tweezers, feather pillows, polar dips, aquariums, Martin Luther King Jr., and Dr. Pepper. I don't like meat, gossips, cooked carrots, American Idol, mosquitoes, sweating, politics, public washrooms, tardiness, tuition, hunting, pat answers, pick up lines, brown bananas, cliches, pine scented air freshener, Kevin Costner, bacon, candied apples, pro-wrestling, humidity, and hypocrisy. Books I've read recently The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Dark Tower, When Nietzsche Wept, What's So Amazing About Grace?, Catcher in the Rye, Not Wanted On the Voyage, The Red Tent, The Little Prince, The Way the Crow Flies, Slaughterhouse-Five, The Poisonwood Bible, The Fall, The Knot of Vipers, Calculating God, The Chrysalids, Sick Puppy, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Franny and Zooey, The Brothers Karamazov, and jPod. I am slightly neurotic. No I'm not. Yes I am.

3 responses »

  1. Found you through Ravelry, you funny!! the twins? girls I am guessing. Our daughter (24) had twin boys jan. 28..Little Bennett 2lbs had heart surgery at Sick kids yesterday..I wish you much love and luck with your family!! p.s. love your knitting

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